Confession Wednesday: LDS Edition

Confession #2:

So, I'm a Mormon

 (this is not the confession, keep reading)

In fact in the new "I'm A Mormon" campaign,

I'm featured!

 Baller status, right?

Who wants to date me now?!

Speaking of dating me.....

I have an LDS Singles account 

(this still isn't the confession, surprisingly enough)

What's LDS (Latter-Day Saint) Singles?

Basically, if eHarmony and Facebook had a love child

and then that baby was sprinkled with 

American's Most Wanted,

you'd have LDS Singles.

I made an account at the beginning of the year

to be humorous

and let me tell you,

humorous it has been.

I "get more fan mail than Justin Bieber" on that thing

(actual quote from a message I was sent)

and all of it brings me to the point of

peeing my pants it is so funny.

Since creating a profile

I have noticed a few patterns, if you will.

Let me explain them.

CAUTION:

if you recently drank a lot of liquids, go to the bathroom before continuing...you will probably pee your pants if you don't.

Okay.

Let me give you a tour of the LDSSingles.com world...

There are those who

are not fans of my 

Arizona State University heritage 

uh I don't recall saying sorry for not attending BYU, bro. 

Or not holding to my guns.  

Or disliking Arizona as a whole.  

 You were so close to scoring a ton of points too, and then 

I saw your username is TheKneeMassageKing.

  Make fun of me for not attending BYU

but NEVER bring UofA into the equation.

tyrogers, you will never find out whether I enjoy the city more than the country

you stupid wildcat piece of crap. 

There are

"pick ups"

There are

"suck ups"

 

And there are

"throw ups"

Those were just messages, people.

Now onto the many faces of the dating network site
and the actual "about me" sections they composed...

There are the attractive ones.

How do you know?

Because they will tell you.

 

There are the not so attractive desperate ones.

How do you know?

Because they will tell you.

 

There are the awesome/amazing/"humble" ones.

How do you know?

Because they will tell you.

Then there is this.

You will just know.

No one will need to tell you.

best for last...

Did you pee your pants???

I sure hope so.

I find LDSSingles.com so entertaining

that when I got an email today about their

special holiday discount,

I reactivated my account 

and 

paid to be subscribed for three more months.

(THIS is the confession)