Confession Wednesday: Toddlers and Tiaras

Ooops I did it again.

I didn't post on Monday.

My Bad.

 I have been too busy

 locating the world's ugliest pair of Jeffrey Campbell's

 and

 reading about finger condoms in Food Service Safety

 and

attending Phoenix Suns games

 to remember to post a

Lyric of the Week.

 As I also did last week,

I'll incorporate it into today's confession post,

which actually features 

TWO confessions

to make up for my lack of consistent bloggage lately.

Confession #15:

I have the strangest and most unhealthy addiction to

TLC's hit show

Toddlers and Tiaras.

 

Yeah, I'm aware it's pretty bad.

It all started when I first saw this commercial:

 My love for the show was only further validated by this ultra classy

mother-daughter duo:
 

Here that hot mess of a family unit is again:

 

Like I stated previously,

I've recently been attending lots of Suns games.

My dear friend Isaac

works as a camera man there

and I ran into him

at last Saturday's game.

He asked what section I was sitting in,

I told him where I was located,

and I requested he send up 

the sluts who throw free t-shirts 

to my area.

After half time,

I knew free shirt time was getting close.

I was bracing myself to catch a free shirt

when all of a sudden I saw Isaac

running up the stairs to me

with his camera.

I was confused.

I had asked for sluts with shirts.

Then I looked up at the monitor and saw

"Smile Cam"

in big letters.

He pointed the camera at my friend and me

and with the 

very small 

window of time I was given to react...

Confession #16:

I decided it would be best

to do a 

Toddlers and Tiaras

impression.

It was a full on 

fake smile

complete with me

blowing kisses,

batting my lashes,

and

tracing a heart around my face.

Apparently,

everyone and their mom was at the Suns game

and saw me act like a toddler,

literally.

I received a flood of messages.

The messages didn't stop for the rest of the night.

At least on the way out someone gave us free pizza,

holla honey boom boom.

 In honor of this wholesome television program

and

the over-the-top impression I unveiled at the game,

I give you a song I'd use in a routine

if I was ever a pageant girl...

"She's a very kinky girl

the kind you don't take home to mother

she will never let your spirits down

once you get her off the streets"

As heard in Super Freak by Rick James.

Wondering why I'd choose said song 

and/or

what routine the song would accompany?

 Here is your answer:

 

Rawr.